Reinventing
by La-belle-romantisme-dame
Summary: When a fanfiction obsessed girl finds herself in the middle of Middle Earth with a naked Elf and King what is a girl to do.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: I know I should be finishing up my first story but I got inspired recently and in all honesty it's too juicy to pass up

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my made up characters

Bethany flicked her raven hair behind her ear glancing yet again at the homework in front of her with distaste. Sighing dramatically she began to create reasons for not completing her homework that didn't begin with 'Well there was this amazing story on fan fiction...' For some reason her teacher probably wouldn't buy it, telling her it was a useless waste of nonsense.

Silly old Mr Macdonald with his topi, who was he kidding with a wig that EVERYONE knew was a wig, how dare he tell her getting stuck in a particularly good story was not a reasonable excuse. Had he ever BEEN in that situation where you just can't turn off the computer because Legolas has finally confessed his love to Aragorn, causing Bethany to prioritise everything around the story including going to the toilet!

Rolling her gorgeous (if she thought so herself) hazel eyes she again wondered if Mr Macdonald really did use the hair from his chest to make the wig, well in her defence it really did look like pubic hair...maybe just maybe his head was secretly a giant ball...no... A giant penis!

Giving a whole new meaning to the word 'dickhead' she stifled a giggle and went back to her story. It was getting interesting, there was honey Legolas and Aragorn involved...this was going to get messy...in a sexy way of course, but still if it was Drarry a spell would have gotten rid of all the evidence, but where was the fun in that.

Staring into her tiny computer screen she noticed it flicker suddenly, cocking her head to the side she thought of why it would do such a thing. There was no storm tonight...hopefully the battery wasn't dying she had 10 more chapters to go through! A small whimper of frustration left her lips and she blew upwards at her fringe, trying to release some of her displeasure.

The screen flickered again as her homework fluttered to the floor...strange she thought, and then froze hoping to almighty god that it wasn't a ghost. After watching and laughing at paranormal activates she hadn't been able to sleep properly for a month...was this some form of payback?

She hoped not, perhaps the ghost was annoyed she wasn't doing her homework...maybe it was because she had thrown a box of tampons at her brother after he laughed in her face about having periods exclaiming 'You STICK it up there then!' It may have even been because she had managed to make a rainbow cake and not offered it any...either way the ghost was pissed.

'Holy Beejeebers!' she exclaimed as her ENTIRE desk flew to its side blocking her exit to the door, a sharp screeching noise altered her to the fact her bed now blocked access to the window.

'FUUU—IRETRUCK! WITH A RED FUUUU-DGING ENGINE!' Was the last thing Bethany managed to say before the swirling vortex of paper engulfed her and vanished.

*Please R and R my lovelies!

I promise it gets better ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Bee: Really firetruck with a fuding red engine?

La: Yeah...well she does have a younger brother.

Dee: She threw TAMPONS AT HIM! He obviously isn't that young...

Legolas: STOP! I don't care! Aragorn with no pants is coming up!

Bee: And don't forget no shirt! *squeals in delight*

*All crowd around screen peering forward in excitement*

La: Let the show begin!

Disclaimer: You know the drill

Bethany landed with a loud THUD at the end of a bed. Very disorientated as to how she got there Bethany quickly lost her footing sliding onto the floor in a heap. Her hair was a giant tangled mess and she had difficulty looking at her surroundings with a massive jungle obscuring her vision.

A pale face suddenly appeared in front of hers his face crinkled (I love that word)with concern. The man had long beautiful blonde hair that flowed over his slender shoulders and a face that seemed to have been sculpeted by angels, his amazingly clear blue eyes locked onto to hers, his soft, pink lips turned into a gentle smile.

Bethany's face quickly heated up her whole face going red.

'Hi...' she whispered feebly. The blonde however continued to smile sweetly at her, helping her to her feet...thats when she realised he was naked.

There in all his glory was a naked man, a very attractive naked man...with a nicely sized...wait...A NAKED MAN!

Going into shock Bethany steped backwards her face drained from all the blood that had seeped upwards with embarresement.

'YOUR NAKED!' it wasn't the most charming thing to say to a complete stranger but Bethnay was to shocked to comprehend such notions.

'Its ok My lady.' Came a warm, raspy voice. Turning her head slightly she saw that the blonde had a companion who was standing next to the crimson bedding. He had medium brown shaggy hair and a muscly, toned figure that was slightly tanned. He just exuded manliness and Bethany was faced yet again with a outrageously attractive man...with no clothes to speak of.

'YOUR NAKED TOO!' she shrieked stepping backwards. The blonde tried to approach her from the side, offering comfort.

'Calm down my lady.' He shooved and began to sing oh so beautifully in another language. Hypnotised Bethany watched him step forward his hands up in a gesture that reminded her of the time when she had stepped on the tail of her cat and her brother had tried to calm it down.

The blonde man reached Bethany smiling softly at her he raised his hand higher to place it on her shoulder when...

'YOUR NAKED!'

Rolling his eyes at Bethanys recoil from his lover the brunette stepped forward to try and help gain some control over the silly child. Screaming in terror as Bethany backed herself up into a corner, she hugged herself, tears streaming down her face.

A heavy wooden door burst open with four other figures rushing inwards searching for the person that screamed. As the blonde turned his head to the side to establish who his new compainions were Bethany noticed his ear.

His ear was small, dainty and the same heavenly shade of his sweaty chest, but what had caught her attention was the deft and precise point at the end of his ear. Meaning he was an elf...but wait...his chest was sweaty...glancing at the brunette she realised what she had interrupted.

'YOUR AN ELF! AND YOU WERE HAVING SEX?' she cried almost in disbelief.

The blonde turned to face her his eyebrows raised.

'Yes,' he relpied curtly 'When you put it so bluntly.'

His companion cuckled in amusement. 'I think she is overwhelmed by the entire situation Legolas.'

'You think!'

Bethany then went into to shock again if that was Legolas...then the brunette must be Aragorn...which means...her nose scrunching in concentration she tried to add the two together her shocked mind slow to comprehend.

'AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!' Bethany cried in victory, causing the now crowed room to look at her as though she had lost all sanity.

'I'm dreaming!' She cried in relief 'I knew I shouldn't have read that story about you guys and the honey before I went to sleep. I'm probably so tired from school that I fell asleep and am now dreaming the rest of the story safetly in my bed back at home.'

Smiling triumpetly she stepped forward in order to survey the other vistors to the room. Everyone was staring at her in astonishment, although a devish grin adorned Aragorns face who had promptly decided to buy some honey later on.

The four people to her dismay were all naked.

_This is quite a disorientating dream. Perhaps the nakedness represents that I am exposed or must expose myself to my best friends well that does make sense that I don't trust her completely but thats only because she keeps stealing my boyfriends. Ahhh...thats why there exposed because she has to expose herself to me so I can expose myself to her...two way street sister!_

Snapping out of her thoughts Bethany surveyed those around her. Two of the men were identical with long black hair and slender bodies that were caught between Aragorns muscukar tone and Legolas's skin tone. Their extremely cute she mused deciding the two must be Elladen and Elrohir. The woman beside them with long black hair bore such a resemblance to Elladan and Elrohir that Bethnay decided she must be Arwen, that and she was amazingly beautiful. The man beside her however she had no idea who he was. He looked very normal compared to everyone else with strong square jaw and a well muscled body, but lacking the grace of those beside him Bethany decided he must be a human.

'I recognise Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen, but who may I ask are you sir?'

'I my lady am Edward Cullen.'

Staring for a moment Bethany went paler, if that was possible.

'The shiny Edward Cullen?'

'Cullean.' He pronounced raising an eyebrow at her description.

Breathing a sigh of relief Bethany smiled, happy to know there were no sparkling vampires in this dream...because well THEY SPARKLE for fudging sake!

Cocking his head to the side Elladan/Elrohir asked 'How do you know of us fair maidan?'

Grinning broadly Bethany remembered she was in a dream and dismissed the gnawing confusion in her stomach, dreams were werid things like this happened all the time. Wait...a dream was werid. Dreams weren't considered werid...not until you woke up.

Elohir/Elladan winched as Bethany slapped herself and then looked down at her hand in shock, she could still feel the sting of her slap and she hadn't woken up yet. Conituinging to slap herself she was stopped by Elrohor/elladan who gently took her hand whispering that it wasn't a dream.

Sinking to the floor Bethany began to cry, alarmed at the sudden change Elrohir/Elladan pulled her close to him and allowed her to cry into his chest. After a while her sobbing quieted as Elrohir/Elladan stroked her hair singing softly. Looking down she realised she was still in her pj's a lovely bright pink silk nightie. Blushing she glanced around sighing in relief that everyone had put on a robe for the sake of modesty...*cough* her sanity.

'I'm sss...oorrry...'she stuttered' its just Edward Cullen and everyone confused me and then you were all naked.'

Realisation dawned on her face and she looked up at one of the twins in intrigue and shock. Quickly understanding her presumption he shook his head, blushing red muttering something about freedom and too hot.

Glad to have cleared that up she hugged the twin holding her, who squeezed her gently back. Standing up she glanced up at him.

'Thank you for your kindness Elladan.'

'Elrohir.' He corrected quickly smiling knowingly.

'Elrohor' she repeated smiling apologetically, 'May I ask does anyone know why and how I got here?'

Just at that very moment two more figures appeared at the door. A man with white hair and aged skin exclaiming 'I do!', as he clutched a tall dark haired elf to him.

In shock Bethany fainted, this time not out of amazement of being transported to middle earth, but because she had not only gathered that Gandalf and Elrond were lovers, but that Gandalf was naked...his old, saggy balls there for everyone to see!


	3. Chapter 3

Bee: well...that was awkward. I mean REALLY!

Legolas: MY EYES! MY EYES!

La: It needed a twist and everyone was naked so...

Dee: Yeah well the mental images you gave me are enough to scar me for weeks!

La: Well...Aragorn, Elladan and Elrohir were all naked...

Legolas: *whispers* La add in the honey please

La: *watches story traffic sky rocket* maybe...

Disclaimer: I own nothing and I promise to return the characters back after I'm finished with them :P

Bethany woke up groggily, she had had the most strangest of dreams even stranger than the one that involved her very, anciently old history teacher and a pile of lube...she hadn't been able to look at him straight for weeks after. Actually now that she thought of it this dream probably topped it.

Stretching as elegantly as a walrus jumping she yawned, noticing that her cat Phillip (after the hero who saved Sleeping beauty) had curled up on her legs. Shifting slightly Bethany realised that unless her cat had recently had a massive cat orgy and become very pregnant very quickly or ate a hippo recently...it might not actually be Prince Phillip.

Freezing she cracked one eye open, which was so startled by the amount of goddam light in the room, shut itself again. Hoping that she didn't some how end up in heaven Bethany attempted opening both eyes having a startling Asian appearance from her sleep.(Its not a dig at Asians, just an observation).

There on her bed was a wrinkly, old man. Curled up on her legs with a skimpy navy blue robe was an ancient man with white hair and well...wrinkly things.

But the worst part of all was he startlingly reminded her of her history teacher.

Wait...didn't she have a dream about...

'!'

Startled the old man woke up very fast, so fast he slid of the bed and tangled his robe around his waist. Bethany some how managed to scream louder, flapping her arms hysterically.

Gandalf quickly clamped a hand around her mouth, wondering whether she was secretly a banshee or maybe just had a serious case of period cramps. Considering his knowledge of females he really really hoped it wasn't the latter.

Bethany tried to squirm out of his hold, licking his wrinkly old hand to make him release her. _Tastes like chicken she thought._

Gandalf grunted in annoyance and _straddled_ the young girl pinning her beneath him. Then in a bizarre moment Bethany could only describe as déjà vu the door burst open and in came Aragorn, Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen, Edward and Elrond...all seemed to be celebrating their birthdays again, as they were all wearing their birthday clothes again.

Standing there in shock Elrond was the first to recover.

'You dirty old man!'

Gandalf realising his position felt as though he should face palm himself, but was pretty sure the banshee inheritance in Bethany would come back in full force so instead opted for what he thought was a wiry grin.

'Well...this is awkward.'

Bethany used to her younger brother surprise tackling her kneed Gandalf in the balls...his very old, saggy...Bethany pushed those words away and quickly rolled away from the pedo, rolling off the bed and onto the floor.

Elladan ran forward to his aid, as he did so Bethany was in the perfect position to assess the size and length of *cough*of his... of his...well of his FOOT! Yes his foot was long and swayed and bounced and...

Bounced some more. _And men always complain about girl's boobs a jiggling and a bouncing everywhere when we dance and run and do sporty things, at least we acknowledge this and wear a fantastic invention called 'sports bras'! Maybe I should become a famous inventor like Albert Einstein and create a special coc...ermm sports under wear that minimises bouncing, but still provides ventilation, because let's face it if their working out their gonna need it._

After 46 bounces in 2 possibly 3 meters Elladan made it to help aid the damsel in distress who had already stood up getting tired of the slow motion scene to end and was strangely reminded of Bay watch.

Elladan slightly put off by this surveyed the room to find:

(List of the room's occupant's reactions)

Legolas with his highly attuned senses had picked up that Elladan was not as hairy as his Aragorn (Elladan had 43 less 'down there' hairs)

Aragorn had wondered whether Elladan was hairier then him and was worried he might have to do something to save his reputation; he decided to ask his lover later on.

Arwen was thoughrly nauseated and wondered why men always complained about girls breasts moving around whenever they were active in anyway and was thinking of becoming an esteemed seamstress and creating a special type of underwear for them to restrict all that movement...with plenty of ventilation, they would definitely need it.

Edward wondered why his ***** wasn't that big...were all elves ***** that big? What if Arwen realised! Becoming quite horrified and deflating his very swollen ego he shuddered.

Elrond wondered if it was wrong to stare, it probably was, but honestly did his _bounce that badly?_ Perhaps he should stop picking on Arwen for her bouncy problem and create a solution for both genders...yes...he had no idea what he would do...but when he did it would be MARVOULUS! Pure genius...smiling smugly Elrond folded his arms thougherly satisfied with his plans.

Gandalf the dirty old perve had fallen off the bed and missed the entire situation very much to his disappointment.

Elrohir wondered briefly that since they were identical wether he bounced that much...perhaps he could make a restrictive garment...and stop picking on Arwen...and then he'd buy a pony named Roger and ride him into Candy Mountain where his liver would be stolen...yeah right like any of that would ever happen.

Roger the pony's first impression was that...

Everyone turned around for a moment each wondering how on earth Roger had gotten in. Elrohir went oddly quiet and paled considerably before fleeing from the room screaming something that sounded like 'You'll NEVER GET MY KIDNEY!' as Roger dashed after him.

Shaking their heads everyone stared awkwardly at each other for a moment.

'Soooo.' Bethany said glancing around at the other occupants. 'My names Bethany I'm 18 and I enjoy long romantic walks on the beach, I'm a fairly bubbly girl and my favourite colour is pink.'

'Hi Bethany! My names Arwen, I'm about 3000 years old and enjoy slaughtering orks and other nasty creatures, I've been called insane a few times while jumping off cliffs into shark infested waters and my favourite colour is orange.'

'Hi I'm Elrond, the almighty, wise, all knowing, incredibly handsome half-elf who rules over Rivendale amazingly with a firm and gentle hand and a, extremely modest and my favourite colour is apple.'

Pausing for a moment they all stared disbelieving at Elrond.

'Her's is orange!' he squawked 'I' he said pointing at his chest and puffing it up proudly 'should be allowed a fruit as well!'

'Continuing on...' Bethany spoke slowly.

'Hi my names Edward Cullean and I'm 200 years old and enjoy battling were wolfs and drinking animal blood and my favourite colour is white! Because it reminds me of fluffy happy bunnies and pretty clouds in the sky.'

Snorting Bethany gasped 'Sure you don't sparkle Edward?'

'Heavens no! I don't _sparkle!_ I shine!'

Turning her face to blanch Bethany covered her face as she began to giggle hysterically. Eventually calming down Bethany turned to her bedside table to take a sip of water from a beautifully sculpted glass on it.

'My names Elrohir...'

Snorting hysterically Bethany sprayed water all over who she had thought was Elladan, but was actually Elrohir (so it was Elladan that is going to Candy Mountain). Gasping she chocked and giggled hysterically managing to spit (quite literally a stream of spit for each individual letter).

'You're Elrohir!'

Looking slightly hurt Elrohir nodded.

Chocking back another burst of laughter Bethany gave him the thumbs up- good for you gesture.

'Anyway I'm Elrohir and I'm 3000 years old and enjoy long romantic walks on the beach, I'm a committed funny young man and my favourite colour is blue.'

'DING DING DING!' Elrond suddenly screamed out sliding into the middle of the circle he adorned a cheesy grin and waggled his fingers at them all.

'Looks like we found a match folks! Elrohir and Bethany and Arwen with Edward. Let's see how they survive on their first dates.'

Slightly exasperated Gandalf stood up suddenly and declared to everyone:

'My names Gandalf I'm err 2000 years old' Elrohir and Bethany snorted in disbelief

'And I enjoy large beds with a certain dark haired elf with a rather large...'

Suddenly Bethany broke out into another fit of coughs, promptly apologizing to Gandalf for being so rude.

'And I KNOW WHY BETHANY IS HERE!' Gandalf roared jumping up and down causing everyone to faint except that one dark haired elf that seemed to have an opposite reaction and proceeded to pounce on Gandalf.

**L.M.F.A.O I love messing with characters!**

**R and R my lovelies...maybe next time if I'm persuaded we can find out why Bethany is in Middle Earth!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Bee:...**

**Legolas: :O**

**La: again with the needed, essential twist!**

**Dee: Your sick...**

**La: The only reason you say that is because their was no honey, Legolas and Aragorn action**

**Dee: Your still sick**

**La: *throws hands up dramatically* BTW folks whoever can guess what movie some of the lines in the chapter when a free virtual Legolas kiss!**

**Legolas:... I never consented to this**

**La: *smiling* if I promise you and Aragorn a pleasant time then will you agree**

**Legolas:...maybe**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the crazy plotline!**

Bethany awoke with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu at the feeling of a weight pressed against her legs. Looking upwards she was relieved to find it was Elrohir who had fallen asleep on them.

Wait...sitting up Bethany tucked her hair behind her ears studying her surroundings. The bed was 2 meters in front of her and the bedside table was next to it, the door was wide open and next to her lay Arwen and Edward *cough* Mr shiny pants.

Groaning she pushed Elrohir off her legs who whimpered at the loss of contact. Trying not to grimace at the string of drool leading from his mouth to her leg Bethany stepped over the entire unconscious, now she thought of it, bodies and out into the hallway.

Checking that she was fully clothed (she was still in her pjs) Bethany walked out into the corridor, curious as to where she was. Walking quietly on bare feet she followed the light, ignoring the small voice in her head that kept whispering come into the dark we have cookies.

Upon reaching the end of the corridor she turned left upon seeing a rather large, ridiculously large window...without any glass that is. A little startled at how high up she was Bethany leaned out cautiously watching the bustling people along the cobbled streets.

No elves...must be in Gondor. Peering straight below her she noticed a rigidly still guard posted next to a bush. Grinning wickedly she cleared her throat and leaned forward...

'BETHANY!' a male voice screamed grabbing her violently. Unable to swallow her spit at that very moment in time Bethany quickly found Elladan? Elrohir? Sprayed with spit.

Not reacting he clutched her closely, his wild eyes boring into her skull so much so she was worried he could see her thoughts of him dancing naked in front of her with whipped cream...chocolate...

Snapping out of her daydream she realised Elladan/Elrohir was speaking to her hysterically.

'...And then I woke up AND THEY HAD TAKEN MY KIDNEY!'

Elladan. Definitely Elladan, this time she was 80% sure. Elladan lifted up his shirt showing her his scar.

'About time!' she muttered tracing the outline lazily. 'Now I can finally tell you apart from Elrohir.'

As the words sunk in Elladan picked her up whirling her around (btw he had clothing on...*sigh*) before kissing her fondly on the head.

'THIS IS GRAND! All I have to do know is lift up my...'

'Why don't you and Elrohir merely walk around without any shirts on...?' Bethany suggested smiling innocently as a lion does a gazelle.

'What a marvellous idea Bethany!' came a voice behind them, turning exactly 99.08 degrees Bethany was greeted with a mirror image of the guy behind her.

'We can work on our tan brother.' Elrohir said smiling broadly at his brother who smiled back...identically...Bethany glanced back, it was like there was a mirror behind her. At that notion a thought popped into her mind. Faking confusion she spun her head back and forth, scratching her head for added effect (well the stroking of the chin might have been too much at this point in time).

Catching her gist both male elves took their tops off causing Bethany to hum suggestive music. Swaying their hips in time to her tune the elves began to dance around her, twirling her occasionally.

Lost in blissful...*cough* happiness Bethany failed to see Gandalf walk up and join in (he wasn't wearing clothes) causing everyone to cease their dancing and suddenly find the ceiling highly intriguing.

This only caused Bethany's dislike of Gandalf to increase.

'Why would he do that?' she mused 'Because he's a lummox that's why...' raising her voice she declared with an air fit for a queen 'Well, we shall have a magnificent garden party, and you're not invited!'

'Haukuna Matta Bethany.' Gandalf replied a twinkle forming in his eyes. _Idiot._

Pausing, Bethany watched the man closely for a moment wondering just what was going on inside his tiny churning brain.

'I swear if you tell me that my parents actually didn't die in a car crash and were killed by..._you know who_...I shall be forced to inflict grievous bodily harm on you.'

Elrohir turned to her in alarm his face paling.

'I'm so sorry for your loss Bethany.' He whispered cupping her face with a tentative hand.

Closing her eyes and counting to ten she tried to calm herself down...and in order to keep Elrohirs hand on her for a moment longer...(his shirt was off).

'Elrohir it's a joke, you know funnnnaayyyy...hahaha...kinda thing.'

Scrunching up his face in confusion Elrohir nodded and both turned to Gandalf, who was currently unwrapping a small lolly. Next thing he will take out a magazine with knitting and crotchet patterns, Bethany sighed and mentally gave up on the whole Gandalf situation.

'You said you knew why I was here.' She prompted, gaining everyone's interest.

As if from nowhere everyone suddenly appeared and crowed around Gandalf.

Edward and Arwen held hands looking at Gandalf expectantly whilst Aragorn seemed a bit distracted, licking honey from Legolas's bare neck. Drooling Bethany watched causing Elrohir to bristle in annoyance, before clearing his throat.

Bethany glanced upwards in annoyance at Elrohir for breaking her stare. Smirking slightly Elrohir bent down and whispered softly so that only Legolas and Bethany could hear him.

'After Gandalf is done meet me in Aragorn's chambers...don't worry he won't mind...he won't mind at all.'

Shuddering at the implications Bethany swallowed watching as Legolas's eyes darkened in lust.

Gandalf, who seemed oblivious to what had happened, swung an arm around Elrond and took a deep breath.

'To answer your question Lady Bethany, you are here so that we can send Arwen to your time. You see you take what you give and since Edward is of your time then he can go back, but Arwen needs to replace some one- replace you. You see Arwen and Edward a deeply in love and have been ever since Edward somehow arrived in our time.'

Coughing Elrond procceded to look innocence and looked away from the narrowing eyes of Gandalf.

'But Edward can't stay in our time; he has to return to his own. So we took you from your world so Arwen can stay with Edward.'

'But...but...' Bethany stuttered and was about to object until she felt the firm hands of Elrohir press against her back.

'Ok' she said smiling cheerfully causing Gandalf to wince at the overwhelming happiness she was emitting...well it is every fan girls dream...

Clasping his hands together Elrond smiled gleefully. Arwen grabbed Edward into a bear hug, causing Edward to complain about the fragile nature of his body...seriously their perfect for each other.

Using their combined magic Gandalf and Elrond opened a swirling portal for both Arwen and Edward, so the two lovers could be untied forever.

'WAIT!' Bethany screeched running forwards. 'When you go back perhaps you should change your last name.'

Edward stared at her for a moment slightly offended.

'Where I come from you might be beaten up or shot at...or killed, etc.' Bethany stated.

Nodding Edward exchanged meaningful looks with Arwen.

'I think Tolkien is a splendid last name to change to.' Arwen suggested, sending a 'obey me or suffer the consequences' look to Edward.

Gulping nervously Edward nodded and stepped through the portal.

As soon as Arwen followed the portal shut leaving a stunned Bethany behind in Middle Earth.

**La: Didn't see that one coming!**

**R and R my lovelies...one more chapter then it shall be complete!**


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